So last night, I finish teaching a CCW class, and get home around 9:30 at night. My wife, who must really love me, surprised me with Halo 3. Now I love video games. I enjoyed Halo 1 & 2 immensely, and since I’m a sucker for hype, I was really excited for the final chapter. This was a great surprise.
One problem, the batteries were dead in my X-Box controller, and I couldn’t seem to find any double As anywhere in the house. (D, N, 123, A, but none of those darn AA) So I decided to run down to the local store. Now keep in mind, if I’m outside of my house, I’m always armed. Since I had already gotten comfy, and had put on a t-shirt and a pair of sweats, my usual methods of carrying wouldn’t work.
Normally I carry on the belt, or on a bellyband that fits under loose clothing. I was too lazy to change, and figured it would only take a minute. Now some people would go out unarmed, but I’m a man of principle. Snort… Nah, seriously, I’m just one of the most unlucky people I’ve ever met, and that means that the very first time I go out unarmed, I’m going to blunder into the finale of Heat.
So I borrowed one of my wife’s concealed carry rigs. She sometimes uses a fanny pack with a Makarov in it. The fanny pack is a fashion no-no, but Master Chief is waiting for me to save the earth from the evil forces of the Covenant, so there was no time for pants. I lengthened out the straps, (a lot), strapped on the pack, and ran out the door.
I made it to the store, walked inside, in a hurry, thoughts of Halo dancing in my little brain, asked a sales person to point me toward the batteries, and then…
I look down, and see a Bulgarian Makarov sitting there on the white linoleum floor of my local grocery store.
See, this is my wife’s rig. I don’t normally use a fanny pack since on a big, normally fully-dressed man that looks kind of like a young Tony Soprano, it just screams I HAVE A GUN, SHOOT ME FIRST. In seven years of carrying a gun every day, I had never dropped one.
See, my wife unzips the fanny pack when she gets done using it. She leaves it open inside the safe, and she is in the habit of doing a chamber check, and zipping it shut when she leaves the house. I didn’t even think that the pack might be unzipped. And while in a hurry, it looked closed, since she zips it across the top, and shoves her hand in through the side. The side was open, and that evil little gun just waited until it had witnesses before jumping out, while screaming “Hey World! Look at me!” with a Bulgarian accent.
So back to our adventure. I scoop up the gun, and shove it back into the pack. The clerk looks at me, having seen the gun, and says “What was that?”
Being really clever, I answer, “I dropped my gun.”
His response? “Oh, that kind of thing happens. I’ve got a .380 on right now… Batteries are over here.”
God bless Utah.
I felt like such an idiot. What a horrible, ignorant, newbie mistake. The fact that I had just gotten done teaching 25 strangers how to legally carry a gun was painfully ironic.
Moral of the story? Never assume. Know your gear, especially when you borrow your wife’s stuff. No matter how cool Halo 3 is in HD with surround sound, you still need to pay attention to real life. And most importantly, be friendly to your local grocery store staff.