The Zombie War

Even if you aren’t familiar with Arfcom, this is some damn funny stuff:

Diary of a Gear Whore

The following journal entries have been fictionalized to protect the stupid.

 Monday:  Today I got into a big fight on the internet with some know it alls.  It was a forum about shotguns.  I told them how a pistol grip shotgun, the kind with no shoulder stock, is the most awesomest thing ever in the world, and how I’m totally a badass with one, because they’re more maneuverable, and faster and you don’t need to aim a shotgun anyway.  Some guy named Correia was a big bully and hurt my feelings.  He asked if I’ve ever shot one.  Snort.  Whatever… 

Tuesday:  Hooray.  I got a package from Elite Ninja Force Tactical with the stuff for my badazzz tactical shotgun.  It had my new seven point tac sling, laser sight, holographic sight, dual side saddle, top saddle, forward grip, bayonet, wind sock, and compass, and it only cost me $19.99!   

Wednesday:  Argued with some more foolz on the internet.  Some know it all tried to tell me that the Deagle isn’t the best handgun ever for CQB.  Like how would he know, he just got back from Iraq, they don’t even have good internet service over there, so there’s no way he could be playing much Counterstrike with all that lag!  Everybody knows the Deagle rocks, and I’ll so get one as soon as I get me more money.   

 Thursday:  Got promoted to head fry cook!  I so ROCK!  Now I can get my .50 Deagle and I’ll carry it in one of those awesome nylon holsters that can be worn in like ten different positions.  Those are the best for CCW.    

Friday:  GOT MY DEAGLE!  The guys at the gun store were so jealous, that they like totally had to bite their tongues.   I put it next to my shotgun with all the stuff on it, and took a bunch of pictures to post online.  You can find the post on the general discussion forum of THR.  It is called, Look How Friggin AWESOME I Am.  Then I put up some pictures where I posed all tough with my guns and wearing that wicked cool tac vest I bought from Mega Super for $15.00   My thread was all about how with this gear, I’m like the ultimate warrior.  Some old guy asked if I had actually shot any of these guns yet, so I called him a fag. 

Saturday:  Those bastard mods banned me on THR.  Jerks.  They disrespected my 1st amendment rights to call old guys fags.  They weren’t very cool anyway.  Bunch of sissies, talking about law and shit, everybody knows just to blast the fool on your porch and drag him into the living room.  Oh, and Mom got mad because I used her nice comforter as the background for my pictures.  She doesn’t understand me…  I’m going to go listen to some Emo. 

Sunday:  Went shooting.  I fired three shots through my tactical shotgun.  All of the stuff from Elite Ninja Force Tactical broke.  And I think I broke my wrist.  It’s like really swollen, and I’m having a hard time typing.   Jimbo saw me crying and totally made fun of me. Jerk.   I didn’t hit anything either, but you can’t miss inside your house, so it don’t matter. My vest split four seams and all the Dragonbreath rounds fell out.  I’ll have mom sew it.   The Deagle totally ruled.  I didn’t shoot it because the ammo was too expensive, but with the gold plating, it was like totally the most awesome gun at the range.    

On Gear Whores, if you’re going to buy stuff, please go shoot it.  If you buy stuff that you don’t know how to use, it makes Baby John Moses Browning cry.  If you haven’t actually used something, please don’t tell the rest of us that have used it, how awesome it is, because that makes us want to beat you up and take your lunch money.  (this applies especially to everybody on the internet that keeps telling me how great certain obscure guns are, because only seven people in America have actually shot one, and if you ain’t one of them, shut the hell up.)

On the opposite side of the coin, for some of you traditionalists, don’t sneer at somebody because they have a bunch of gear.  Good gear, in the hands of somebody that knows how to use it, is a great tool.  And if that guy with all the cool toys can outshoot you, then you can’t talk smack.  

Now I’m probably not going to post for a couple days.  It is Gun Show weekend, and I get to go listen to a couple hundred people tell me how the HK416 is the best gun ever because they saw it on Future Weapons.